Six Self-Compassion Myths

It‘s normal to have reservations about self-compassion. I wrote this article in order to dispel some of the most common myths about self-compassion so that more people can experience the healing effects of relating to themselves with the same kindness and support that they would show to a good friend.

Myth #1: Self-Compassion Undermines Motivation

It turns out that self-criticism is not a good motivator because it makes us fear failure and undermines our self-confidence. Self-compassion is much more effective because it leads us to want to reach our goals not to make up for some perceived sense of inadequacy but from a place of genuine care and concern for ourselves. Self-compassion allows us to take into account our authentic values and priorities. It also makes us resilient in the face of challenges and failures because we are able to meet ourselves with kindness, which means that we are more likely to persist when things don’t go as planned.

Myth #2: Self-Compassion is Selfish

Being compassionate toward ourselves is not mutually exclusive with being compassionate toward others. In fact, when we include ourselves in the circle of compassion we are better able to be there for others at their time of need. Research reveals that self-compassionate people tend to be more caring and supportive in romantic relationships, better at compromising during conflicts and more forgiving toward others.

Myth #3: Self-Compassion Will Make Me Lazy and Self-Indulgent

When we approach ourselves from a place of self-compassion we consider our overall well-being as opposed to short-term gratification. Research shows that self-compassionate people engage in healthier behaviors such as drinking less, exercising, and going to the doctor more regularly.

Myth #4: Self-Compassion is Just a Form of Self-Pity

Self-compassion is very different from self-pity. Self-pity entails a sense of “poor me” and is accompanied by ruminating on our problems and believing that we have it worse than others. Self-compassion, on the other hand, reminds us that everyone suffers from time to time (common humanity) and helps us to be more objective about the extent of our struggles (mindfulness). Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to engage in perspective taking and less likely to ruminate on their problems.

Myth #5: Self-Compassion is a Weakness

Self-compassion is a source of inner strength that helps us stay brave and resilient in the face of suffering. Research shows that self-compassionate people are better at coping with difficult situations such as losing a job or going through a divorce.

Myth #6: Self-Compassion is a Form of Making Excuses for Bad Behavior

One of the things that gets in the way of taking accountability for our wrongdoing is spiraling down into shame. Guilt is focused on specific behaviors that we feel regretful about, whereas shame leads us to label our entire self as bad. Shame makes us want to hide or get defensive but guilt allows us to acknowledge and take responsibility for our wrongdoing. Self-compassion reminds us that we are inherently worthy, even when we mess up, thereby allowing us to stay with our guilt without spiraling into unhelpful shame. Indeed, research shows that self-compassionate people take greater personal responsibility for their actions and are more likely to apologize when they do something wrong.

Ready to Give Self-Compassion a Try?

You can listen to my free self-compassion meditation recordings here.

If you want to go deeper and have me guide and support you on your self-compassion journey you can request an appointment below.