Practical Tips for Managing Holiday Anxiety
How Do We Unintentionally Increase Our Holiday Anxiety?
We often make holidays more stressful by expecting too much from ourselves and the experience. For example, we may try to find the perfect gifts for everyone on our list. But we forget about our budget, time, and the fact that we can't control our recipient's reaction. Another example is expecting everything to go smoothly and everyone to get along during the holiday get-together. We expect it to go like a Hallmark movie, but in reality, family dynamics are usually complicated and not entirely under our control. It only adds to our frustration when we take it upon ourselves to make everyone happy and cheerful.
Why is Holiday-Related Anxiety so Common?
Many people feel anxious during the holidays because the media portrays them in an unrealistically cheerful light. This ranges from holiday commercials that show people bestowing lavish gifts to holiday movies where everyone is one big happy family at the film's end.
Women feel additional pressure due to cultural messages to be perfect in many roles, like daughter, partner, and hostess. The message is that anything less than perfect is not good enough. Not only is this belief untrue, but it sets women up to put enormous pressure on themselves.
What are Tips to Prevent Holiday Anxiety from Happening?
Setting more realistic expectations can reduce the chances of the holidays being a stressful experience. A helpful technique from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety is to write down unhelpful thoughts. Then, we can identify thinking errors and rewrite the thoughts to make them more rational and helpful.
A common belief I see come up for my high-achieving clients is that they need to have everything done perfectly for the holidays. If you identify with this, I suggest that instead of aiming for an A+, you aim for a B. This will take the pressure down a notch and make it easier to gauge and honor your realistic capacity.
I also suggest bringing more acceptance to the things that are out of your control, such as how other people feel and act. In this context, acceptance doesn't mean liking or approving. It means acknowledging the difficult situation and making space for your feelings. It helps to practice meeting yourself with kindness and compassion for any unpleasant emotions that arise.
If you expect challenging family interactions, practice setting boundaries with your family members. Practicing with a supportive person or even by yourself ahead of time will make it easier to assert yourself in the moment.
What are Ways to Reduce Holiday Anxiety that is Already Present?
One of the most common ways that I see people coping with anxiety and stress is to double down on their efforts and stop prioritizing self-care. Most often, this leads to exhaustion and burnout and gets in the way of being present with loved ones. I always encourage my clients to make time for self-care during stressful times. This can include deep breathing, practicing mindfulness, taking a nature walk, or any activity that nourishes and restores you. One of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety that I know of is to practice self-compassion. You can access my free self-compassion meditation recordings here.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Anxiety Can Help
If you feel anxious or overwhelmed by holiday anxiety, it's okay to ask for help! It can also be helpful to speak with an anxiety therapist to get individualized support for challenging feelings and situations.
Therapy at Compass CBT can help you navigate anxiety so you can be more present and peaceful during the holiday season and beyond.
